Valentine’s Day is not to remind you that you’re married, or that you’re single. It’s to remind us of love. And if we can’t have an appreciation for love, it’s hard to have an appreciation for anything else.
Garrett and I have been married for almost 16 years! I got married sooo young 😉
We have definitely been through our ups and downs, but one thing we are committed to is growing as individuals. This has allowed us to grow closer together. If one person in the relationship is content you will drift apart.
When the market crashed in 2008, this brought a lot of chaos to our relationship and I realized how “comfortable” things had got.
If you’re not progressing, ultimately you are digressing.
During 2010 I was pregnant with my second daughter, we had lost everything and were not emotional connected what so ever.
I was scared, and never felt so alone.
Despite feeling alone I thought… “You don’t really have a choice, Danielle. You have one daughter and another on the way. Your kids need someone to depend on, and that someone is you.”
This is when I decided to take my business to the next level. At the time I wasn’t sure where my relationship was going to go. I decided to focus on myself and my 2 young children.
At the time, I didn’t take any accountability for where my marriage had gone. I think I was too pissed off at Garrett and some of the decisions he had made both financially and emotionally.
It was hard because I’m a loyal person by nature, and also hard working which meant I knew I wanted things to get better and was still committed. I just didn’t know where to start. I had lost trust and this was not something that could be given back with just a few date nights.
So I just grinded and went into work mode. Having young children I worked doing hair only 2-3 days a week, and the other 4 days a week I worked on my marketing and building my brand from home.
We both agreed to work on our marriage and this started with the commitment to go on regular date nights once a week. We had two young children and little money at the time, plus we had moved to a new state where we had no family. You can see how date night was a big deal and commitment for us.
As I started to work on myself and my brand, the only thing we had to talk about on date nights was our businesses.
At the time Garrett was also starting his business Wake Up Warrior. As I started to reach success in my business, Garrett was my number one fan but this also oddly created a little more tension in our relationship.
I never told him what I was making, and started stockpiling cash in my own account. We were still working on that trust thing.
Almost 5 years ago, I made the most money I had ever made in one month, over $30k doing hair! My expenses were low at the time, and this was when I started to feel like a Producer.
One day while driving in the car I remember Garrett and I got in an argument, I told him what I was making followed up with I don’t need you!
Ok, probably not the smartest thing to say to your spouse, but we were heated at the moment. Garrett was soo pissed but this lit a fire under his ass.
The next couple of years we got a little competitive. Sometimes it was hot, and sometimes it was annoying. I felt my femininity slipping away. I didn’t want to do it all anymore.
I wanted to be on the same team! I started by hiring more people to help reduce some of the stress in my life.
Listen, ladies, I know you want to be superwomen and take on the world, but at the same time, we also want to be taken care of.
How does someone take care of you if you won’t let them?
I wasn’t ready to let go. I was still working on that damn trust thing.
Sometimes, in order to get what you actually want, you have to learn to let go and the results will build trust.
I’m all about the powerful women, but she doesn’t do this alone. A king can’t rise without his queen. And both play crucial roles inside of a relationship.
Over the years we have learned to give and take inside the relationship. Sometimes I think we know what we want inside a marriage, but ignore the steps in between to get what we want.
I always ask my self, “Danielle, what is the end result or outcome you are looking for? What are the steps to get there?“
Sometimes this requires us to let go of old stories and bad patterns. And again, this is not done overnight. But in my experience, this will build trust on both sides.
We both started to create a new story together and built that spark and attraction back. We now are at a place where I feel our relationship is pretty solid, but it took years.
I’m now pregnant with my third little girl and am excited for the next chapter of our life.
People will often ask us marriage advice or relationship advice. And this is just not something that can be told in one conversation, or blog post.
So if I could leave you with one thing, it would be, fight for what you want. Whether that’s with staying with the partner you are with, or not.
For us, it brought us back together.
I don’t share a ton about our past because I don’t think it’s healthy to air your dirty laundry. However, we try to share value each week on our DATE YOUR WIFE Podcast you can catch every Tuesday on iTunes, or here on my blog.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
These photos were sponsored by Original Grain Watches.
Garrett suit is by David August who dresses the best of the best. I introduced Garrett to David a couple years back, and it has changed his look and brand in the best way!