In this week’s Date Your Wife Podcast, Danielle and Garrett have a conversation about their conflicting parenting strategies – as well as possible solutions – as they reveal real-life challenges.
Every week inside the Date Your Wife Podcast, married couple Danielle K. White and Garrett J. White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding Sex, Money, Parenting & Communication.
Point #1: Permission to Pursue Your Passion
- Danielle: I was raised as a Mormon where I felt like I had to be this perfect mom. If I work, I better figure out how to balance it all. As a result, there has been a lot of mommy guilt as I’ve tried to create a balance between all of the hats I’m wearing. One day the Voice said to me, “You will impact way more people if you pursue this passion [hair].” I’ve discovered that by pursuing my passion, I ultimately affect my children.
- Garrett: There tends to be a war within women – women who produce and work outside the home, and women who work only inside the home. Both of these sides tend to throw stones at each other. At the end of the day, it’s not about whether you produce outside or inside of the home. At some level as a woman, you have to give yourself permission to pursue a passion or purpose beyond your children.
Ask Yourself: As a couple, how do you feel about your wife pursuing her passions in addition to raising a family?
Point #2: If-Then Scenario
- When asked by Garrett if she believes that producing outside the home makes her a better mom, Daniellereplied: I don’t know. I know I’m a better me, but sometimes I feel like a shitty mom. There are moments as a kid that mold us. As much as I feel like I’m fucking up, hopefully, I have enough of those moments of me leading and guiding other women or of just being me where they’re going to say “I want to be like my mom.”
- Garrett: She would only be giving a quarter of who she is to her children if she wasn’t working. They would never see a woman taking a stand for her life. I know she’s a better mother because she’s a better producer. But this doesn’t mean that every single woman listening to this must launch a business to be a better mom. At the end of the day, the key phrase is, as you are becoming better as a woman, then the relationship you have as a parent ultimately expands by default.
Ask Yourself: Do you believe you’re a better mom because you do or because you do not work outside of the home?
Point #3: Conflicting Parenting Strategies
- Garrett: You and I are very different people. As a result, we have very different parenting strategies. When there’s a problem with our kids, I collide and conflict with them, while you pretend it’s not there. Your parenting strategy is to literally ignore and hold out and wait for the storm to pass. Your game is: The tsunami is coming, get to high ground.
- Danielle: When you get mad and yell at our girls, my thought is, “Garrett, they’re girls. Don’t yell at them like that!” When the girls are crazy emotional, I ignore them. When I’m pissed, my thoughts are: Just get out of my way, just let me be pissed. As girls, we tend to have more of an emotional side. So when I see that the girls have flipped their lid – and I can’t get reel them back in no matter what I say – I know I need to give them space.
Ask Yourself: What are your parenting strategies?
Point #4: Assasin Attack vs Retreat to Higher Ground
- Garrett: I have a different strategy: I don’t ignore it. When the tsunami comes, I run down like Spartan 300 to hell’s gate against a million people and I wage war on the ensuing enemy. I can see the same crazy spot where the storm cannot be negotiated with, but the difference is, I come in like an assassin in the night and grab the situation by the horns.
- Danielle is uncomfortable with conflict, while Garrett is uncomfortable with sitting and allowing the storm to brew. “Danielle’s picture of parenting is us running to high ground. I see that and I pee on it. My parenting plan is my wife’s got war paint on her face, she’s wielding a sword and a shield, and I’m yelling, “Woman, we’re going to the front line!” I start running and when I look back, she’s squatting and peeing on my parenting plan.”
Ask Yourself: How are you relating to Danielle’s and Garrett’s differences in parenting strategies?
Point #5: Walk and Talk
- Garrett: If the challenge is my daughter is a lot like me, here’s the reality: If I had to get out of bed and then 15 minutes later had to be at school or work or anywhere, I’d be fucking crazy too. Last night, I asked my daughter to go for a walk. We held hands, we talked about how dad is crazy in the morning, and how I noticed she’s also experiencing a lot of crazy in the morning.
- We’ve implemented The Walk and Talk with our daughter, and I’ve also brought it to the Warrior brotherhood: You go for a 30-minute walk with your child, you hold hands, and just let them talk. The whole focus is to let them get their feelings out, to validate those feelings, and to throw yourself under the bus, thus giving your child the chance to be ok with being human.
Ask Yourself: Do you have a child where investing in a daily Walk and Talk would make a world of difference for them?
What are your parenting strategies? If they are causing collision and confusion in your relationship and in your family, how you can unite them?
Date Night Topic:
Have a conversation centered around your wife pursuing her passions beyond that of a being a wife and a mother.
Quote of the Week:
“For the guys out there, if I am a leader in my home, then this means I must also take the lead as a man on the parenting side, which means I’ve also got to take a stand for their greatness and in their weakness.”
-Garrett J. White
“I’m kind of an introvert, yet I believe if you find something you’re passionate about, you can outgrow the person you think you are. For me, getting outside of my comfort zone is a new high that fuels me.”
-Danielle K. White