Date Your Wife Podcast Episode #33: Don’t Use Your Wife As a Shield

By |2018-08-27T12:01:50+00:00August 21st, 2018|Date Your Wife Podcast|1 Comment

Date Your Wife Podcast Episode #33: Don’t Use Your Wife As a Shield

The White’s celebrate their 15 year anniversary in this powerful and entertaining episode of the Date Your Wife Podcast where they have a conversation around the all-important and often times tricky topic of Money inside a marriage relationship.

Every week inside the Date Your Wife Podcast, married couple Danielle K. White and Garrett J. White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding Sex, Money, Parenting & Communication.

In this week’s episode of the Date Your Wife Podcast, our Focus is MONEY!

Point #1: Save the Date

  • Danielle: For years, we celebrated our anniversary on the 22nd of August, until six years ago when I found our old wedding book and was so shocked to see the date of August 21st.
  • Garrett: We’re grown as adults and every year we text our mothers to see what date we got fucking married, though we do remember the first place we had sex after we got married.

Ask Yourself: How do you show each other that remembering your anniversary important to you?

Point #2: When Visions Collide

  • A crucial turning point for Garrett was in having a collision with Danielle about investing in blinds for his Warrior HQ – a vision inside his business that he could see but that she could not.
  • For a long time, Garrett didn’t see the point in the purses that Danielle loves buying, but now he does.Danielle: It’s creative expression which transfers over to confidence in life, business, and in everything else.

Ask Yourself: How do you as a couple deal with two different visions of where to invest your money?

Point #3: Leading a Double Life

  • Danielle: After everything was ripped from us, it took about four years to rebuild that trust. And in that four years, everything felt unsafe and inconsistent to me so I finally said, screw you. I’ll do my thing, you do yours.
  • As women, we look to our husbands for safety and security. When that goes away, there’s this lack of trust. I questioned every little move Garrett was making because I was building back up the trust from years of his patterns of inconsistency with money.

Ask Yourself: Gentlemen, are you providing security and safety for your Queen?

Point #4: The Awakening

  • Garrett: After giving Danielle the responsibility of handling the bills because I got so stressed out about my inability to pay them, she began taking on that stress. I realized I was using my wife as a shield from me having to deal with shit. 
  • My wife started channeling heavy levels of masculine energy which had us fighting at home a ton. I’m like fuck, I’m coming home to a dude. I realized I was the one who had created this dude the moment I decided to turn the queen into a shield. I had an awakening.

Ask Yourself: What needs to shift in your relationship when it comes to being the man and leading the battle so you can take your wife out of that role?

Point #5: Reality Check

  • Garrett: Gentlemen, if you’re going to go make the money, then you manage the money. All of you fucking men out there who are expecting your wife to split the fucking bills with you, fuck you.
  • Women want a purpose to produce but they don’t want to feel the pressure of having to be the provider. There are far too many men who are okay with the idea that they can sit back and lean on the production power of the Queen and only build themselves far enough to meet halfway.

Ask Yourself: Ladies, how do you feel about this?

Communication Challenge:

Gentlemen, ask yourself this question: Who would I have to become such that my wife could choose to work and choose to produce if she wanted to?

Date Night Topic:

On your date this week, take a trip down memory lane and recall the events leading up to the day the two of you met. What impressed you about each other? What have you grown to love about each other through the years?

Quote of the Week:

“At the end of the day, I’ve yet to meet a powerful producing woman who doesn’t want her man to raise the sword and go to war so she can rest at times.”

-Garrett J. White

“I got to this place where I wanted to be in the relationship with Garrett because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to.”

-Danielle K. White

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One Comment

  1. Julia August 29, 2018 at 7:45 pm - Reply

    My husband consistently puts on this “act” of a “man,” aka i am busy/tired from my job making all this money- you need to do your part by managing everything else: home, food, bills, dateing, future life plans.

    While he is parading his busy man act- he is still using me as a shield(be the man/be the only adult) to manage bills and stress alone about the decisions for our future.

    As a result, its like both of you said, i have become the King with too much masculine energy(no room for femininity), no sex life, dysfunctional marriage life. As much as i want to make things work, it cannot because while one is willing- the other refuses to acknowledge their failures & lack of doing his part so he can move forward to working to provide consistent actions showing progress of a king.

    As much as i want to give the king’s crown & duties up, so i can return to be the loving, supportive, caring, carefree queen my husband wants and rest after taking care of my king– I refuse to give up the position of king. It is because of 1)the scars i have from his inconsistent actions/words(which i had to heal alone with while he coward away from any responsibilities) and (2)the constant worry of starting over again while “having to take on his king duties for him because he rather cowards away only caring about himself, not me & us.”

    Amazing eye opener! This really hit on point with where my relationship is at with my husband currently. I believe i put up with him being this way because i had/have this hope that he would on his own like a man make the decision out of his love for me & us to rise & progress on his own to protect what he needs to protect.

    I am currently doing my best to give him “more time again” to become consistent while I am also doing my best to build back up my trust in him that was shattered repeatedly in the past by his decision making & the security he has promised and i am still waiting for him to consistently provide.


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